Don-O's Dump
Whining since birth, writing about it since last week
December 7th, 2009
This will be the last posting I'll make before I take off for New Orleans tomorrow. It's that time of year when Mom gets bored and whips out her timeshare and we kill two weeks make believe that we're New Orleans.
There's a cruise trip to Key West and whatnot in the middle of this that starts at and ends in N. O. Just in case NO get's too cold, we can go to an area of Florida and get all hot. Talk about packing for duel nature...
Well, be doing the trip updates while there on my Facebook page. LiveJournal is good and all, but if you don't have the time and energy than type more than two incoherent lines (or if there's not going on to write about), the briefness of the FB offers the brain a vacation all it's own. New Orleans dose that to you.
As the title suggests 'Happy Holidays, Y'all',
Don-O
PS: I'm all ready getting into the argument over this War On Xmas crap on FBland. I wonder if they offer a letter bomb app.
December 1st, 2009
A good friend of mine got back from a weeks worth of Walt Disney World, Florida way and had just put together a leanthy video of this trip.
Being a big KP fan, the main focus of this trip and the video is the Kim Possible attraction at WDW. This is part one of his travelouge:
Don-O
November 27th, 2009
The turkey day came and went without a hitch…well, from our end that is.
We hadn’t made any serious Thanksgiving plans until the night before the big day. When we did get serious about it, my Mom called the local Vons store and asked them about the turkey thighs they had received a couple of weeks ago. The deli dept. claimed they didn’t have them and transferred her to the meat dept. When they claimed they didn’t have them, they turned her over to the manager. When my mom told the manager what was going on, he put her on hold to check it out. When he came back, he asked my mom’s name. As it turned out, there was a box of turkey thighs (a. k. a. ‘Turkey Pot Roast’) in the back of the freezer with my mom’s name on it. It’s all about the dark meat, baby!
While our little holiday dilemma was ending, my aunt’s was beginning….big time.
While our turkey situation was going on, my aunt Jackie was on the phone with one of her old friends when she was bluntly interrupted by the demands of her son Karl. As it turned out Karl not only just wanted money, but he wanted her undivided attention, not only away from talking to her old friend but from making thanksgiving dinner.
Well, she didn’t like his attitude and told him to move out of the house tonight. He freaked and yelled and left. However, Karl’s unbalanced ego wasn’t done yet. He went over to his brother’s house to unload on him. Why? According to Karl’s id, my aunt’s threat was all his brother’s fault as she favored him over Karl. Between the two, one thing lead to another and the brother hit Karl on his forehead with a shovel in self-defense.
The police was called and, as per usual with Karl, whenever there’s police involved, he ran away….running through the neiborhood with a bloody forehead and face with choppers looking for him. Soon after the police, paramedics and the chopper when to where Karl lives…..at my aunt’s house where she was finishing up the dinner. No Karl but a very upset aunt.
Figuring Karl will come back out of hiding for revenge, the brother stayed with a friend and, sure enough, he did come back later that night….with two of his buddies in tow. When they didn’t find his brother at his house, they just broke in and busted everything in sight and left.
Another characteristic of Karl is that whenever he blows his top in a grand fashion like this, he spends the next 24 hiding out and cooling off, so Thanksgiving day was quite for everyone reluctantly involved. However, this morning, Karl showed up and wasn’t in the mood to cool off as he told my aunt of his plans to go to the local police department and file a complaint against his brother over the shovel/forehead incident. Can you say opening a can of worms with BBQ sauce?
Well, see what happens tomorrow. In the meantime, we’re casually going through the leftovers, doing the laundry and mental planning this year’s holiday card.
Also planning a write-up on why this decade sucked,
Don-O
November 15th, 2009
As warned within the past week or two, I finally got meself a new MPs player: a black 8GB SanDisk Sansa Fuze and I’m snuggling up to and stuffing it with audio abuse like crazy. So far, I haven’t broken it and it hasn’t smoked on me. So far, so good.
As standard with any physical piece of technology, the difference with this new and the old one (the 6GB Creative Zen Micro) are apple to oranges. The new is more GB room, smaller, sleeker with a color screen and was cheaper (plus on sale). Still, the old Zen kept me in good stead for years…until a couple of weeks ago when it stopped downloading songs from the PC.
During my search for a replacement, I heard urban legends about the iPod; it freezes up, if whips out existing files if you try to download other people’s PC, etc., etc., Plus, most of the models I was looking at where expensive. I did hear good stuff from Creative’s new batch of Zen’s models...now cheaper, colorful and with the latest MP3 rage, expandable memory.
I ended up with the Sansa brand as, unlike the Zen brand, they were everywhere, at least, in my neck of the woods. Interesting thing about this model is that it’s so new that it hasn’t been listed on their official website yet! It’s even boasted that it’s ‘Windows 7’ certified.
During the time I had to wait for it’s delivery at the local Best Buy, Radio Shack had a decent sale on SD memory cards, so already, I was jacking up the sucker before I my mites on it! The 8GB was pimped up to 12GB before the shrink wrap was even broken.
As per this time of the year, I’ve been jacking in the X-mas tunes: Diana Krall’s Christmas Songs, Mark Mothersbaugh’s Joyeux Mutato, Santa’s Workshop Is Closed: Guy Llama’s Greatest Xmas Hits, Charles Brown’s Cool Christmas Blues, Charlie Brown X-mas Soundtrack, and personal CD collections of normal and abnormal holiday shtick. Most have a yearly tradition of reading ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas’ and sticking their necks out of one of those ‘A Christmas Story’ marathons on basic cable TV, but for me, it’s hearing John Waters reading his holiday opus ‘Why I Love Christmas’ and some David Sedaris tales of holiday woe that marks my calendar.
As I have up to 12GB to play with, I obviously lost track of that else I stuffed in there, but that’s a problem I can easily deal with; especially when that New Orleans/cruise trip coming up next month. I’m sure I put in some in some NO tunes, a touch of Negativland/Over The Edge for late night listening and have already sprinkled in some Molotov Cocktail Hour for some lounge vibe. Hell, some of that Ultimate Xanadu I was threatened with is being snuck in like escaping from East Germany as we speak.
Whatever the case might be, I’ll have more of what seems like a bottomless pit of audio toys to play with this time around for the French Quarter and that boat.
So while Ms. Krall dose her Julie London bit and as I glide off on this Ginger Ale buzz I got myself on: Marry God-knows-what, ya’ll
Don-O
October 29th, 2009
Obscure personal news! I got myself a personal web address for all....ME! all my comics, art and blogging can be found at the following: http://donosdump.com
To make things more annoying, this is the same address to my more bigger obsessions like XANADU PRESERVATION SOCIETY and my SWEET DICK WHITTINGTON site.
As If the 'net hasn't suffered enough?! 
,
Don-O
October 12th, 2009
....and the hits keep coming! This time we reach further back than the Tropicana. It's the Eldorado Club in the Downtown area, in the mid-50's. I think its now the Pioneer Club.
Enjoy,
Don-O
September 28th, 2009
It’s out and about! The new issue of TWILIGHT WORLD (the zine version) #5! 12 B&W pages of god knows what like the first installment of Don-O’s Zine Dump o’ Fame’ and a regurgitated trip to a regurgitated motel near Disneyland and what knot!
For a copy send either $2 or a trade (sorry, no poetry….I suck at it, so you’d waste your time and pages sending me yours) to:
Don Fields
(PM or e-mail me at oddlystupid at yahoo dot com first)
Thanks and good luck out there.
September 26th, 2009
The following is a small preview for the forthcoming TWILIGHT WORLD #5. A good chunk of this new issue is a section called DON-O’S ZINE DUMP O’ FAME 1, a very small section of some of the best zines I’ve read over the years of zine collecting. Here’s one of the few I review for this first pile:
YOU’RE GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL: A Zine o’ Love about The Mary Tyler Moore Show by Blue Chevigny.
Digest-size, 20 pages, xeroxed, 1994.
Granted, an unlikely (mainstream) subject for an underground zine, but cultural deconstruction has always been one of the many important mechanisms of zines, be it political or, in this case, personal evaluation. This title is such an example.
…and it also helped that I was a MTM fanboy (see TW #4)…well, still am as I impatiently wait for the rest of the damned series to come out on DVD. Regardless, when I bumped into a Factsheet Five review of this, I just barely hesitated before stuffing some cash in an envelope and sending it off.
It was soon after I hyperactively mailed my doe off when doubt creped into my system. I’m usually wary about fanzines in general, 95% of them try too hard with too much filler, worse for nostalgia sake. I remember a 1994 zine that was named a Brady Bunch reference that was knee deep with this, they were relying on the cliqued jokes like listing reasons why Scooby Do was on drugs and the over usage of the word “we” as in “don’t we all love The Brady Bunch!” People Magazine screws the word into the ground in their ‘special issues’ of the 70’s, 80’s and the 90’s. A BIG turn off.
However, I needn’t worry much about this when I got Blue’s MTM zine. It was refreshingly constructive, personal and smart. This issue starts off with ‘Mary & Me’, an introduction piece that sets the pace for the rest of the zine. After listing off the surface connections Blue has with the show, she goes a little deeper: “I want the internal workings of Mary (Richards), and operating in me at the total capacity. I want Mary’s enthusiasm for life and work, and her unquestioned ability to set out for hat she wants, or believes in. Even when Mary doubts herself, we, the viewers, never do…..Mary is insecure at times, and she stammers her way through uncomfortable situations. But it’s as if underneath all that external nerdness there is some innermost rock of kernel of coolness. That’s why I love about Mary – it’s the hope she give me for myself and vaguely lost and self-conscious women everywhere.”
There are fun and interesting pieces like the evolution of Mary’s hairstyle (I’m big time on the last one), a multi-page chart of the many ‘love triangles’ of the show (Lou, Ted and Murray? “Hmmmm…”), a breakdown of Sue Ann Nivens and a brief interview with a friend who dressed as Rhoda for a Halloween party, but underneath it all, you can pick up on Blue’s philosophical connection and deep personal appreciation for the show. It’s a level of understanding and intelligence I wasn’t used to see in more standard fanboy/girl circles at the time.
Soon after enjoying this, I wrote Blue an encouraging letter and asked when number two was coming out. Well, I never heard from her and there never was a number two….at least, from what I know. Maybe that was good thing. The show has none of the traits that would attract a fevered following like sci-fi shows like Star Wars or Buffy, being that Mary was based more on reality and human nature than those show. Successful sitcoms may go down in pop culture history, but it’s the sci-fi shows that gain that ‘cult’ status and the hopefully related profits every producer and studio salivates for.
Maybe Blue didn’t have enough quality material to fill another issue? I suppose so. The MTM Show was more about quality than quantity, which explains why the producers bailed out on top after the seventh season…and maybe that’s why Blue bailed after the first. Good strategy for longevity.
September 17th, 2009
The following is the cover of the up-coming TWILIGHT WORLD (the zine version) #5!
In this issue, I recount a recent Anaheim trip that ends up as a recount of a much earlier stay in that general area and, in a much larger piece, I dig through my 18-year old zine collection to slap together Don-O’s Zine Dump o’ Fame: Pile 1, along with the rest of the usual lowdown and reviews, the later being pretty brief as the ‘Fame’ piece is much bigger than I anticipated.
Coming in late-September…or whenever I get back from Vegas next week.
You have been warned,
Don-O
September 16th, 2009
It only took two hours to plan and book this latest Vegas trip, but in a sense, it was coming.
One of the web sites I regularly visit is Las Vegas Casino Death Watch. It’s a no-frills site that tracks the life and death of Vegas hotels/casinos. As stated in it’s introduction, this site was started when lot of the old guard establishments like the Stardust, Desert Inn and Frontier where torn down to make way for newer more plushier places. As its own history is not taken seriously and its existence is keeping up with the customer’s increasing demands, this pattern, which accelerated in the 90’s, is part of what Las Vegas is about.
However, within the last three years, the context of the site has changed. As Vegas tourism continues to decrease and the economy stalling, the palaces that where built over the old guard grave sites now have their days numbered, too. Planet Hollywood, which took over the old/new Aladdin, finds itself $168 million dollars in debt, the lawsuits surrounding the $6 billion CityPark might have been settled, but its still behind schedule and over budget and construction on the Eicher Place (or however you call it), where the Stardust was once sat, is finally back in construction mode after a 10 month delay.
Even the smaller new commers aren’t looking good either. Hooters Hotel & Casino is $48 million dollars in debt with possible layoffs coming any day….and this will be the place Mom & I will be staying a couple of days next week.
This morning, Mom saw on Travel Zoo’s weekly top 20 deals of the week list a Hooters Vegas offer for $20 a night for a weekday stay. As with any deal there were a few restrictions, like available dates which didn’t coordinate well with the flights coming in from our neck of the woods. Mom called Hooters to see if she could talk them into stretching those dates to match. Well, it wasn’t even a struggle; the operator said ‘sure’ and made it possible. Another adjustment happened when the operator mentioned that for an extra $5, normally $45, we can upgrade to a tower room over looking the strip.
Once the smoke cleared, I checked the hotels regular site and found out the same rooms where going for $69 a night…special! Ouch!
I haven’t been at this Hooter’s, much less any one of their restaurants (even as a heterosexual, I found their glorified sports bar offensive), but the building and property they occupied has been around for, at least, a couple of decades. I remember in the late 70’s it was, I think, the Treasury H & C and then the 20th Century and it was vacant for a few years. Before Hooters took over, it was the Sam Remo which ended up selling itself to the gay market by the early 90’s.
So as Vegas is semi-burning on its own ashes, my Mom & I well cash in on those $200 worth of Hooters coupons and give the city and its current survival status a look over. Personally, it’s kinda sad to see this town I long admired in this rut, its scares, mainly visual, so deep and so grand. But what can you do, what happens in this country is reflected here.
….plus, Travel Zoo is selling Penn & Teller tickets for $45! ‘bout damned time! I might finally get to see them.
September 12th, 2009
VOLUME ELEVEN
You & I/Rick James
Don’t Let Love Get You Down/Archie Bell & The Drells
September/Earth Wind & Fire
Reunited/Peaches & Herb
What You Won’t Do For Love/Booby Caldwell
Livin’ It Up (Friday Night)/Bell & James
The Real Motherferya/Johnny ‘Guitar’ Watson
In The Stone/Earth Wind & Fire
My Forbidden Lover/Chic
Never Gonna Stop/Linda Clifford
Street Life/The Crusaders
DEADICATION: That’s All You Got To Do/Patrice Holloway
(this rare mid-60’s side is done Patrice Holloway, who later in 1970 become a member of the singing version of Josie & The Pussycats. I forgot about this single, so I included it at the end as a late-minute dedication to her as she quietly pasted away a couple of years ago. Would have loved to hear more of her work outside of the Pussycat catalog)
Oh No My Baby/Linda Ronstadt
(I couldn’t find the original version of this song, so I had to stick this cover version at the end)
Sitting On The Dock/The Persuasions
Rainy Night In Georgia/The Persuasions
Man Oh Man/The Persuasions
Can’t Do Sixty No More/The Persuasions
(I had some minutes left on the CD-R, so I included the above three 70’s covers by the great acapella group, The Persuasions. The last track is a “sequel” to ‘Sixty Minute Man’ heard from Volume One)
Swamp Road/John Medesri
(two turntables and a Hammond B-3 organ. May not sound like what you’ve hear for that past 10 and ½ CD’s, but this raw funky instrumental track is a fitting final ‘outro’ for this series. Plus it was the only good track from a Hammond B-3 tribute CD, so I had to find a place to put this John Medesri performed track before I got rid of the CD. So, what the hell….)
September 9th, 2009
VOLUME NINE
Funky Stuff/Kool & The Gang
Slow Motion (Pt. 1)/Johnny Williams
Love Is The Message (Tom Moulton Mix)/MFSB
Mighty Love/The Spinners
Be Thankful For What You Got (pt. 1)/William DeVaughn
Jungle Boogie/Kool & The Gang
TSOP/MFSB
Then Came You/Dionne Warwick & The Spinners
Lacy Marmalade/LaBelle
Express/BT Express
Walking In Rhythm/The Blackbyrds
Shinning Star (previous unreleased alternative version)/Earth Wind & Fire
(this above track was taken from their 1997 box ‘The Eternal Dance’. I had to be careful with this band as I’m a huge fan and I didn’t want to end up sucking all of this into a EW&F audio gab-fest)
Why Can’t We Be Friends?/War
Fight The Power Pts. 1 & 2)/The Isley Brothers
That’s The Way Of The World/Earth Wind & Fire
It Only Takes A Minute/Tavares
Low Rider/War
Love Rollercoaster /Ohio Players
Hold Back The Night/The Tramps
VOLUME TEN
(from this point on, things get complicated as the line between R&B/Soul and Disco was blurring rapidly. Some records were more on this than that, some had little of both and some more fell off the disco edge, so deciding what records fit this set and what didn’t was a small balancing act)
Movin’/Brass Construction
You’ll Never Find (Another Love Like Mine)/Lou Rawls
Tear The Roof Off The Sucker (Give Up The Funk)/Parliament
Dazz/Brick
I Wish/Stevie Wonder
Car Wash/Rose Royce
Can We Come Together/The Tramps
Summer/War
Sir Duke/Stevie Wonder
Show You The Way To Go/The Jacksons
(Every Time I Turn Around) Back In Love Again/LTD
Best Of My Love/The Emotions
Strawberry Letter 23/The Brothers Johnson
Float On/The Floaters
Just Say Right On (The Bloaters Creed)/Cheech Y Chong
(a note about the above track: soon after the original Float On single hit the charts, Cheech & Chong rushed a parody single called ‘Bloat On’ and it wasn’t their strongest recordings. Instead, I went with the b-side with some of the members arguing with themselves as it was much funnier.)
Papa Oom Mow Mow/The Persuasions
Lovely Day/Bill Withers
Always & Forever/Heatwave
September 7th, 2009
VOLUME SEVEN:
The Message/Cymande
Superstition/Stevie Wonder
Love & Happiness/Al Green
Across 110th St./Bobby Womack
Both Ends Against The Middle/Jackie Moore
Love Train/The O’Jays
Could It Be I’m Falling In Love /The Spinners
Ain’t No Woman (Like The One I Got)/Four Tops
Killing Me Softly/Roberta Flack
The Cisco Kid/War
Pillow Talk/Sylvia
I’m Doing Fine Now/New York City
I’m Gonna Love You Just A Little More Baby/Barry White
So Very Hard To Go/Tower Of Power
That Lady/The Isley Bros.
Keep On Truckin’ (pt. 1)/Eddie Hendricks
Hurts So Good/Millie Jackson
Midnight Train To Georgia/Gladys Knight & The Pips
If You’re Ready (Come Go With Me)/The Staple Singers
Higher Ground/Stevie Wonder
Until You Come Back To Me (That’s What I’m Gonna Do)/Aretha Franklin
VOLUME EIGHT
The Love I Lost/Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes
World Is A Ghetto/War
Tell Her She’s Lovely/El Chicano
Show & Tell/Al Wilson
Dance To The Music/Archie Bell & The Drells
Step By Step/Joe Simon
You Called Me Back/Clyde Brown
I Can’t Stand The Rain/Ann Peebles
Love’s Theme/Love Unlimited Orchestra
Lookin’ For A Love/Bobby Womack
You make Me Feel Brand New/The Stylistics
Hollywood Swinging/Kool & The Gang
Rock The Boat/The Hues Corp.
Finally Got Myself Together/The Impressions
Welcome To The Club/Blue Magic
Feel Like Making Love/Roberta Flack
You Haven’t Done Nothing/Stevie Wonder
Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love/Barry White
Yes We Can/The Pointer Sisters
Pick Up The Pieces/AWB
Save Your Love For Me/Vivian Reed
Do It Any Way You Wanna/First Choice
September 4th, 2009
VOLUME FIVE
Sex Machine (Pts. 1 & 2)/James Brown
Express Yourself/Charles Wright & The Watts 103rd St. Rhythm Band
Deeper & Deeper/Freda Payne
Superbad/James Brown
Groove Me/King Floyd
Wants Ads/Honey Cones
Scorpio/Dennis Coffey
Love Or Let Me be Lonely/The Friends Of Distinction
Soul Power/James Brown
I Love You For All Seasons/The Fuzz
Baby Let Me Kiss You/King Floyd
Don’t Knock My Love (pt. 1)/Wilson Picket
Right On The Tip Of My Tongue/Brenda & The Tabulations
Natural Man /Lou Rawls
Mr. Big Stuff/Jean Knight
Never Can Say Goodbye/Isaac Hayes
Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get/The Dramatics
Love The One You’re With/The Isley Brothers
Tired Of Being Alone/Al Green
Ain’t No Sunshine /Bill Withers
All Day Music/War
Theme From Shaft /Isaac Hayes
Clean Up Woman/Betty Wright
Superfly Meets Shaft/Dickie Goodman
(yup, from the same man who brought you those cut & paste comedy classics like Flying Saucer and Mr. Jaws, comes his lone entry into the R&B/Soul charts. I doubt even Dr. Demento knows about this obscure gem!)
VOLUME SIX
Super Fly/Curtis Mayfield
Checkmate Lounge
(a radio commercial I found for a R&B/Soul lounge as heard on WGRT-AM aircheck. As I’ve done similar audio artifacts in my nostalgia series, so I might as well continue this little tradition here)
Woman’s Love Rights/Laura Lee
One Monkey Don’t Stop The Show/Honey Cones
Let’s Stay Together/Al Green
I’ll Take You There/The Staple Singers
I Gotcha (WGRT version) /Joe Tex
(another audio archival section from the same aircheck noted above)
Do Your Thing/Isaac Hayes
Betcha By Golly Wow/The Stylistics
I’ve Been Lonely For So Long/Fredrick Knight
Too Late To Turn Back Now/Cornelius Bros. & Sister Rose
You’re Still A Young Man/Tower Of Power
Everybody Play’s The Fool/The Main Ingredients
Outa-Space/Billy Preston
I’m Still In Love With You/Al Green
Where Is The Love?/Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway
Use Me/Bill Withers
Don’t Ever Be Lonely/Cornelius Bros. & Sister Rose
I Can See Clearly Now/Johnny Nash
Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone/The Temptations
I’ll Be Around/The Spinners
Why Can’t We Live Together/Timmy Thomas
Hearsay/Soul Children
Keeper Of The Castle/The Four Tops
September 1st, 2009
The following piece was written in the mid-90’s for a web site that didn’t happen. It’s one of those write ups that ended up wondering away from it’s original intent and ended up tripping into that all too familiar drunken subject I kept bumping into at the time…helpless fanboys. As I’ve already touched….no, rubbing the topic in the readers face in my Twilight World zine already (with one more stab in the next issue), I figure I’ll unload this bad boy right here on LiveJournal for you suckers to suffer. The way things are going, this might just be my ultimate piece about this old school subject…outside of the Xanadu pieces from TW #4. Fanboy Central
Once every first or third Saturday of each month, ‘The Los Angeles Science Fiction & Comic Book Convention’ holds forth at the Shrine Auditorium south of downtown LA. To the close circle of regular vendors and curtain veteran attendees, this monthly gathering of local fanboys was unofficially dubbed ‘BruceCon’, after the con’s organizer, Bruce.
This Bruce in question was the pacing fanboy promoter who had the bombastic charisma of Scrooge only with the English charm replaced with zits, bad blonde afro and the chronic nerves. I don’t have any dominate memories of him to make a definitive character judgmental call as my only real encounter with ‘the man’ was he when almost ran me over while chasing after two 12-year-olds for distributing flyers for another local con through the front door. Even though this large convention was the only real game in town, Bruce still didn’t like competition as I saw him grab one of those two boys, wrestled him to the ground and ripped and threw the flyers into the street. Beyond that, he kept to himself, pacing back and forth in the background, only to intact with the paying public when a real BIG celebrity guest shows up for an appearance and he can be seen giving the paying public the evil eye, making sure they didn’t embarrass him and his con in front of the press.
The regular fanboy rouges with cash were, of course, the other staple that held the con and Bruce’s livelihood. Amongst these “normal” ‘boys, there were a few standouts that made this gathering more “interesting”…for good or ill, depending on what side of the fanboy social coin you were stuck in.
‘Fanboy #1’ has a particular fetish as it went far beyond your standard sexual attraction to a standard female body part, like breast and butts in sweaty spandex. This guy had a thing for steroid-fueled muscular females with BIG hands and BIG feet; Size 17 doesn’t get his mojo working, but 25 to 30 would! Unlike the quite bashful trench coat habit other fetish fans normally develop over time, ‘#1’ was overly exited about his appreciation with speech volume to match. God help your eardrums if you were near the moment of his enthusiastic eruption. For example, when he saw a box filled with back issue on muscular women he hasn’t seen before, he erupted with something like ‘OH, WOW!! I’VE NEVER SEEN THESE BEFORE!!” (to the vendor) “WHY HAVEN’T YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THEM BEFORE!! WELL, I’LL INVESTIGATE THIS BOUNTY WHILE I STILL CAN, FOR YOU SEE..........” I wasn’t inside the building when this happened, but I heard from 25 different witnesses at the next con, so I don’t doubt it.
Another money staple here and any other con worth its weight in poly bags are the ‘artists for hire’. Name a character, fetish or/and a situation of both and they will name the price and perform, or, as a A.F.H. friend once told me, the blow job begins. Yes, indeed, it’s a artistic prostitute industry that’s contributes to the American tradition of supply and demand by drawing abnormally enlarged parts in tight outfits. Or in THIS case, biggie hands and feet with muscles on the side to those who gets sucked into the vortex that is ‘Fanboy #1’.
Even in the slutty world of A.F.H., there were standards, or maybe a desperate last gasp for dignity. Whatever the case may be, if there was a line in the sand these AFH were looking for, ‘#1’ provided the sand. For awhile, he hired ANY artist to draw his fantasy girl; a fifteen foot “She-slopth” with a head of a Kliengon, a forehead with more ridges than Grand Canyon AND with knuckles ‘a dragging. His simple approach for this request would constitute the following 1) to follow the artists around with his head JUST over the artist’s shoulder breathing heavily (sinus problems? Not enough air to the feet from the tight shoes?); 2) try to start an innocent friendly conversation with every 5th word would lead his fetish, and 3) momentarily forget to talk at a normal volume. Once the knob was tuned to ‘12’, you’re his until you have to kill him…or submit to his request.
Most battle-worn AFH can withstand this as long as the money wasn’t from Mexico and Monopoly, but, even so, after a couple of years, even the tough ones began to stay away in hordes. Number one’s aggression was met with more aggression and the sad cycle of approach, loudness and submission would start allover again. What saved the AFH and their industry was, for whatever reason I don’t want to know about, #1 ran out of money to pursue his fantasy girl anymore.
Another exemplary figure, #2, was even more of a legend. The root of his obsession was an female Anime character with green hair from MegaZone 23 (or something, I lost track). He, too, would hit on all the good AFHs, as, for a time, had more than the necessary funds at his disposal as his parents died and left him with some money, a fancy car and a house.
Despite the cash, people either avoided him or, because of the cash, took advantage of him. He was attacked with silly string at one furry convention and a “friend” told him that he saw a female clerk at a 7-11 that looked exactly like that Anime green haired lady, but couldn’t remember which store it was. Thus began #2’s five year quest to go through EVERY 7-11 in Southern California to find THAT girl.
One of the very few myths that surrounded him that was confirmed was the Ice Taco incident. One day, #2 was hungry but only found ice in the fridge. So he took a empty hard taco shell, put some crushed ice in the shell and ate it. A roommate discovered him eating a second serving, thus began the ‘Ice Taco’ legend and its variations.
These and other stories (whether fictional or not, it didn’t matter at this point) was compiled into a series of mini-comics illustrating the adventures of a cartoon character that strangely looked, acted and (in the hands of artistic licenses) smelt like #2. One of these B&W issues had a colorful cover depicting the famous silly string incident colored with crayons carelessly scribbled across his face.
BruceCon was his only real, regular, social function. Anybody that #2 recognized usually found themselves latched on like a white trash camper tied to a Winnebago. He would mumble something, asked if you seen any green haired person and, if you weren’t tuned into his fanboy frequency range or not a AFH, he’ll leave you behind for the next hook-up.
Sadly, these expensive habits got the best of him, too. He would end up selling the house and car and gone broke within a year and a half thanks, in part, to his pursuits and “friends”. He’s now working as a Pizza Hut delivery boy and rarely goes to BruceCon anymore….and so did Mr. She-slopth.
.....and so did it I.
Up until seven years ago, I, too, was one of those veterans who almost knew every vendor, fellow shoppers and many fanboy legends. My old regular visits to Fanboy Central used to consist of looking for back issues of ‘Josie & the Pussycats’, 60’s Playboys and, oddly enough, obscure stuff that had nothing to do with comic/sci-fi fandom (like a used copy of the Sub-Genius video, ‘Arise!’).
Then I moved and got a new job, so I stopped going. I occasionally hear about the updates about BruceCon, but the motivation nor the curiosity wasn’t there anymore. This lack of interest was attributed to my growing preoccupation in stuff like zines and lounge music. Well, I figured, I no longer need them and vice versa. I stayed blissful away from this crowded cultural wrestling ring for years and I lost track of the fanboys and the rest of the ‘loop’.
Earlier this year, I went back to Fanboy Central and wasn’t looking forward to it. A friend asked me to write something about the current fanboy flavor of the month, the TV version of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ and it’s fans and this month’s BruceCon seemed like a good place for gathering information as ‘John Carpenter’s Vampire’ was being promoted there.
As it turned out, over half of the old faces that gathered dust in my head weren’t there anymore. New faces following the new trend had arrived to take over BruceCon...until the next fad tidle wave, of course. However, as The Who declared, “Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss!”. Yup, different faces, but with the same merchandise and same pack of zits with Bruce still pacing around trying to scare even himself.
...and, sure enough, fulfilling my hidden fears that followed me here, #2 sneaks up from behind me and becomes just as shock as I was to meet. After the brief introduction and the scary act of catching up with our collective lives, Bob tries to hit on me for some cash to tackle another new batch of AFH’s. I turned him down and he went off to the next pick-up.
A form of an former life crawling up behind you was one metaphor I didn’t really believe in until now, and making this revelation worse, it has mistaken me for a hobo’s ATM.
As for this Buffy reasurch? Well, ‘Buffy’ merchandise was everywhere, as to signify how Carpenter and his movie are falling behind with the times. I couldn’t find any noticeable ‘Buffies’ anywhere on the floor. I heard rumors that traditional vampire and Goth fans can’t stand ‘Buffy’ and vice versa, so I guess the ‘Buffy-ites’ decided to skip this month’s con as they would of been outnumbered. “Can we just get along?” When fanboys segregate into little gang-bangers wearing their own color, methinks not. Blame the Trekkies and the Jedi Knights for this latest evolution of fandom.
By the end of my time at the Central, I didn’t come up with worth Jack for that ‘Buffy’ article. There weren’t enough opened exhibitionism nor rapid finger pointing to reasonably go on, so I might have to wait until Fanboy Mountain (San Diego Comic Con) to get the full nose bleeding details.
So much for progress. Well, I did leave with a Robert Tilton compilation and a couple of Frank Zappa concert bootleg video tapes. I guess there is SOME hope for Fanboy Central after all. But don’t quote me on that.
Don-O
August 30th, 2009
VOLUME THREE:
But It’s Alright/J J Jackosn
Wack Wack/The Young/Holt Trio
Cold Sweat/James Brown
Soul Finger/The Mar-Keys
(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher/Jackie Wilson
Funky Broadway (Pt. 1)/Dyke & The Blazers
Get On Up/The Esquires
It’s Got To Be Mellow/Leon Haywood
She Shot A Hole In My Soul/Clifford Curry
The Oogum Boogum Song/Brenton Wood
Gimmie Little Sign/Brenton Wood
Mercy Mercy Mercy/Larry Williams & Johnny Watson
Groovin’/Booker T & The MG’s
Girl, You’re Too Young/Archie Bell & The Drells
Hypnotized/Linda Jones
When Something Is Wrong With My Baby/Sam & Dave
I Say A Little Prayer/Dionne Warwick
Slip Away/Clarence Carter
(Sittin’ On) The Dock Of the Bay/Otis Redding
I’ve Never Found A Girl…/Eddie Floyd
Who’s Making Love/Johnny Taylor
Grazing In The Grass/Hugh Masekela
Soul Serenade/King Curtis
The Horse/Cliff Nobles & Co.
Soulful Strut/Young/Holt Unlimited
Tighten Up/Archie Bell & The Drells
Hard To Handle/Patti Drew
You Send Me/Aretha Franklin
VOLUME FOUR
I’m Sorry/The Delfonics
Oh, What A Night/The Dells
The Dark End Of The Street/James Carr
Hey Western Man/Jerry Butler
La La Means I Love You/The Delfonics
(There’s Going To Be A) Showdown/Archie Bell & The Drells
Time Is Tight/Booker T. & The MG’s
Black Pearl/The Checkmates LTD.
Backfield In Motion/Mel & Tim
Bold Soul Sister/Ike & Tina Turner
Grazing In The Grass/Friends Of Distinction
Brand New Me/Dusty Springfield
Rainy Night In Georgia/Brook Benton
Everybody Is A Star/Sly Stone & The Family Stone
Do The Funky Chicken/Rufus Thomas
You Made Me So Very Happy/Lou Rawls
Give Me Just A Little More Time/Chairman Of The Board
Didn’t I Blow Your Mind/The Delfonics
Turn Back The Hands Of Time/Tyrone Davis
Love On A Two-Way Street/The Moments
Band Of Gold/Freda Payne
Ooh Child/The 5 Stairsteps
Westbound #5/The Flaming Ember
Lost/Jerry Butler
Signed Sealed & Delivered/Stevie Wonder
Spill The Wine/Eric Burbon & War
August 27th, 2009
I’ve been busy with yet another multi-disc compilation project in the past three weeks. To make room and create space, I’ve been going through a lot of my R&B/Soul collection discs (vinyl and aluminum), picking out some worthy tracks and piling them into a complete collection of favorite soul stuff from the 60’s and 70’s.
This is NOT a definitive set, at least, not on a Rhino/Shout Factory label level (like Rhino’s mega ‘Can You Dig It?’ and ‘Didn’t I Blow You’re Mind’ set from years ago). This is just some of the best from other people’s best.
Some of this are titles and artist you might not know, either they are too obscure or you might not be old enough to know them…or, in general, you’re not that familiar with this genre. Nobody’s fault, it’s just I dugged a little deeper than your standard oldies station with their eternal limited looping playlist.
Adding a level of confusion here is that this set starts in the 50’s! Eons ago, I bought a few compilation discs that covered this, so I figured, I’ll slide in some to make this more complete and historical.
Jump in and boogie to the first two volumes, kiddies!!
Don-O
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